Archive for the ‘reading’ Category
some jokes for the weekend :)
October 26, 2013
In Bulgaria they say you cannot carry 2 water melons under one armpit (sorry, can’t remember the English version :). Yet, as some of my characters say: If we use all the opportunities, then even the laws of nature wouldn’t be an obstacle… That’s why I guess even in the most tense times (as happened to me recently, so I could not post regularly at my blog/s) one could find a solution to fulfill his/her tasks… Hope some of these jokes/anecdotes I will re post will make anyone’s weekend better :):
via Rose Smith: The Toughest Man In The Bar.A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: “I went by your grandma’s house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!” The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: “I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!” The biker’s buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says Nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, “I’ll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!” At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes and says…
“Grandpa,……. Go home, you’re drunk.”
Via Rose Smith: If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Via Rose Smith: A husband and wife are having dinner at a fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who the hell was that?”
“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.””Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce.”
“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage, and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.”
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. “Who’s that woman with Jim?” asks the wife.
“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.
“Ours is prettier,” she replies.
If the morning is wiser than the evening, then an evening could be funnier, crazier, much more interesting, much more magnificent, way more awesome or glorious than any morning hour, minute moment, or second… from my future Space Hide & Seek.
http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
jokes for the beginning of the new week and the end of weekend ;).
July 1, 2013
Some of the bad consequences of being too busy with many different errands is that one could hardly post at his/her blog… Yet, there is always a light in the end of tunnel – to deal with every task/errnad seems not so hard at moments, if only we organize our time well :)….
Two passengers are traveling in a train and the one looks at the other from top to toe. Finally, he says:
“It seems, you look just like my wife, if I just ignore the mustache…”
“But I don’t wear a mustache?” says the other.
“Yes, you don’t… But my wife wears one…”
Via Joe O’Connell: a little boy in the drugstore with his dad, suddenly creates a fuss, he wants a chocolate Easter Bunny. finally his father gives him one but the boy has a temper storm. he wants a male Easter bunny. the druggist and the father try to tell the boy it doesn’t make any difference, with that the boy holds up his little finger, and says there’s that much more chocolate…
What’s the last thing to go through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield? It’s asshole.
Evolution could be a crazy thing sometimes – it could create people who could be so narrow-minded to like and love only one book, movie, idea, song… from my future Space Ghosts.
http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/
http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com
http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,
some jokes for the new week…:)
June 4, 2013
Hope my new dose of jokes will help many people start a good week 🙂
Via Georgi Chase: “Why can’t you play games in the jungle?
Because there’s always gonna be a cheetah..”
A few priests complain to one another: “I have so many rats in my church…” says the 1st. “I tried to chase them away with poison but it didn’t work at all…”
“There are even more in my church too,” sighs the 2nd. “I tried to set them on fire but they are still there…”
“Well, I tried your methods too,” says the 3rd. “And when they didn’t work either, I just made them my parishioners… So, now they are nowhere to be seen in my church…”
And some interesting facts some guys would consider funny, but I guess the 2nd one is scary too: Via Sanjay Shukla: FACT-FILE:Only 8% of the world’s currency exists as physical cash, the rest is electronic….!FACT-FILE:The average billionaire spends $25 million a year on food and entertainment, enough to feed 70,000 hungry people for a year…..!!!
The balance between good and evil in some people is destroyed to such an extent that they need to hate something or someone all the time. my future Incredible Future.
http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/ivanstoikov.allanbard, http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com
http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard
The Rocks Of Belogradchik – one of the wonders of the world.
May 28, 2013There are amazing sights all over the world, so a small country like Bulgaria is no exception. The many photos of the rocks of Belogradtchik (in the north-west part of my country) are certain prove of that “rule”. I guess they are wondrous enough to be in the list with the greatest sights on Earth.
Unfortunately, they were not chosen to be amongst the new eighth wonders of the world, though it seems they were good enough to be under the protection of UNESCO after the voting for the new list of wonders was over. I hope all the people who could see and feel the beauty and magnificence in all the forms of nature would be glad these rocks will be kept safe for the future generations too. For more info about them have a look at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belogradchik_Rocks.
Actually, the weather was really bad for the spring time of the year the last time when I visited the amazing rocks with a good friend of mine. The entire place was covered with a thin layer of snow and there was fog (too thick at some spots) everywhere. Yet, that way some of my photos have the amazingly mysterious look of the ancient fairy-tales or myths and real historical events… That’s why I couldn’t refrain from posting them, as one could rarely see the magnificence and mysteriousness of the rocks while they were covered with fog and snow… More of them will appear soon at my flickr, facebook, pinterest profiles too.
http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/
http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com
http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,
http://www.flickr.com/photos/allanbard/
weekend jokes…;)
May 11, 2013
Via Rose Smith: Two rednecks were looking at a
Sears catalog and admiring the models. One says to the other,
‘Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?’
The second one replies, ‘Yes, they are very beautiful.
And look at the price!’
The first one says, with wide eyes, ‘Wow, they aren’t very expensive.
At this price, I’m buying one.’
The second one smiles and pats him on the back.
‘Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful
as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.’
Three weeks later,
the youngest redneck asks his friend,
‘Did you ever receive the girl you ordered
from the Sears catalog?’
The second redneck replies……
‘No, but it shouldn’t be long now.
I got her clothes yesterday!’
Between sportsmen: “Why you didn’t take your 1st place when you had to receive your medal after you won the competition?” “I’m afraid of heights…”
What is the expression sharks love to hear from us, people? “Man over board…”
And my crazy quote/thought from a book of mine: Looking at the ground could be the best way to find the best things from the sky…. my Space Hide & Seek/Space Ghosts.
http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com
http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,
http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/
Some interesting & important facts about animals and plants.
May 4, 2013
One of the basic rules of articles/posts/notes’ writing is that no author should write that way so that the potential readers would feel stupid and incompetent. Probably some people would be offended by this post/note of mine (if it shows their ignorance), but I hope even they would agree such info could help anyone to discover the wonders of our world, to correct some mistakes many of us do all the time, to change our opinion about the “nasty” or “scary” creatures we come across every day. Being graduated in biology, I couldn’t refrain from posting some of these facts, in brief (I use many similar in some of my books too):
Plants are living beings, so they do breathe as all the animals, though they “inhale” oxygen mostly in the daytime, and “exhale” carbon dioxide in the night.
Chickens are the most common birds in the world, not pigeons or sparrows, we could find them on almost every continent, not in the coldest places only.
Whales and dolphins are not fish, they are mammals and breathe air like every other terrestrial beings. The easiest way to distinguish such sea mammals from fish would be to have a look at their tails. All the modern sea mammals have horizontal tails, which are a perfect tool to dive and come out to the surface to breathe air. Fish’s tails are vertical.
To cut a worm in two pieces doesn’t make two worms, though the creature regenerates. The part with the end regenerates an end where it is cut, so soon after that it could not do all the vital things which keep it alive.
Just because crocodiles live most of the time in water doesn’t make them amphibians. They are reptiles, terrestrial beings that like water. The best way to find out which element of nature is primal for any species is to see where that species breed (so, crocodiles are terrestrial, frogs are amphibian).
Spiders are not insects, thought they are close-related. Insects are at a higher state of evolution, they have 6 legs, spiders have 8.
Birds hate to be touched and caressed, as that way we usually ruffle their feathers (it takes a lot of time to set them right, it seems). Yet, they all like to be touched and caressed on the head, there and then the feeling is similar to the one they feel when they scratch their heads with their claws.
Plesiosaurs and pterodactyls are not dinosaurs, they belong to different groups, which are close to that of dinosaurs, yet not exactly the same.
The adult moths don’t eat our clothes, they don’t have a mouth or any digestive tract, their larvae are the ones who we have to blame…
All the mosquitoes that bite us and carry all those awful deceases are females; males eat nectar from flowers… etc.
http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/
http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com
http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,
jokes after the middle of the week and before the weekend…;)
April 25, 2013
“We threw a lot of eggs at the politicians at the yesterday’s meeting…”
“But I’ve heard there were a lot of applause?”
“That was only when the eggs hit them…”
When they asked some teachers to name three reasons why they like their job, they all answered: “June, July and August…”
“Now what’s your excuse?” asked a teacher a schoolboy who was late for school again.
“I saw a lady who lost 100 $…”
“Oh, and you helped her to find them?”
“Not exactly… I stepped and stood on them until she left…”
What is trash for some people, maybe gold for others… from my future Incredible Future :). Have a nice rest of the week, everyone!
http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/
http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com
http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,
middle of the week jokes, everyone :)! some not too good for kids though…
April 11, 2013
I hope some of my friends from facebook will like to see some of the jokes they shared at the site here too :
Via Joe O’connell: a little boy in the drugstore with his dad, suddenly creates a fuss, he wants a chocolate Easter Bunny. finally his father gives him one but the boy has a temper storm. he wants a male Easter bunny. the druggist and the father try to tell the boy it doesn’t make any difference, with that the boy holds up his little finger, and says there’s that much more chocolate…
Via Lynne Pentney: I was at the post office, when I see a blond woman shouting into an envelope. I asked, “What are you doing?” The blond replied,”Sending a voice mail…”
“Is it true that after the divorce you still live with your esx-wife?” a man asked his friend.
“Yes…”
“So, is your life better now?”
“Not at all… The only difference is that when we quarrel and she throws dishes at me, she hits me every time…”
Too much striving for cleaning leads to a dirty mind… my future Incredible Future.
http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/
http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com
http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,
Allanbard's Blog 