Archive for October, 2012

Some jokes before the new Halloween week, some not good for kids…:)

October 28, 2012

I hope that I don’t disturb some people with some of the jokes/anecdotes I post… I know not all of them are appropriate for kids, yet when there’s such an occasion, I usually warn about that at title… Have a nice Halloween, everyone!

 

Sex is an invention of a very smart venereal disease… David Cronenberg.

 

In the court: “Why you want to divorce with your wife?”

“Every night she goes out and visit a lot of bars…”

“Why is that???”

“She’s looking for me…”

 

A teacher in the kindergarten poured some brandy in their tea so that they could fall asleep quickly in the afternoon… After the police arrested the teacher, the kids took out their savings to pay her bail…

 

“I wonder why some people are so stupid… Why should they worship actors and actresses, when writers and authors are the ones who must accept all the glory, honors, love, gifts, etc of fans? Actors and actresses just repeat their words and thoughts like parrots, most of the time they don’t even like what they do…  from my future Space Hide & Seek.

 

 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew

www.allanbard.blogspot.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/allanbard/,

http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard

 

middle of the week jokes, some not too good for kids though…:)

October 18, 2012

SON: Mom . . . . mmmoomm!!!… Where are the cookies mom?

MOM: Errr….. c:\windows\temporary internet files\…

 

via Kevin Duthie, a good friend from facebook, the joke not too good for kids though:

A fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up – fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman… and so forth. However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, “My father’s an Exotic Dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.” The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside. “Is that really true about your father?” ” No ,” the boy said, “He works for the Republican National Committee and is helping to get Romney elected, but it’s too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids.”

 

A rabbit was standing at the front of a cave and carved a stick. A fox was passing by and asked what the rabbit was doing

“Well, I’m writing a diploma paper “How rabbits can eat foxes”…. replied the rabbit.

“Oh, is that so? Come with me in the cave then, to show me how that could be done…”

They went in the cave but after 10 minutes the rabbit came out of there alone and again began to carve its stick… A wolf appeared from the wood and asked the rabbit what he was up to. When  the answer was the same, the wolf took the rabbit in the cave to give him a lesson, but after 10 minutes the rabbit came out alone… Then, a curious bear came there and after receiving the “smart” answer about writing of diploma paper about that how rabbits could eat bears, they went in the cave again… After 10 minutes, the rabiit came out followed by a content lion who cleaned his teeth with tooth stick. Then the rabbit whispered: “It’s not so important what you write about, it’s who’s your director of studies that matters…

 

And a quote, part from a future book of mine: One of the good ways to live a long and healthy life are the every day jokes and laughter. my future The Origin Of Gods. I know I’m not the 1st who uses a quote with such a meaning, but it’s really important not to mention it in my works too…:).

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew

http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,

October 12, 2012

An old couple liked to play hide and seek. In the morning, the old lady hid the bottle with whiskey, and if the old man could find it, then at the evening the old woman had to hide…

 

Do you want to do good for the society? To make many young women run after you? Or to make dozens of people wait for your appearance even in the sever weather? Join our team! The public transport looks for drivers…

 

“Hello, land team? It’s flight 365, we want to land immediately…”

“But why? You flew off 5 minutes ago…”

“Our stew forgot to switch off her iron at home…”

 

As strange as it may sound, the best gift/b-day present for a teenager would be a participation in a movie, where he/she could play the part of the bad character… Then and only then, he/she could say aloud all the bad and foul curses without any bad consequences… 😉 my future The Origin Of Gods.

Hope these jokes could be a good beginning of the weekend :)! Take care, everyone!

 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://allanbard.hit.bg,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com,

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov/121092637984053?sk=wall,

http://www.shelfari.com/allanbard, myspace.com/ivan_allanbard,

The best way to write a book…

October 11, 2012

Once a friend/colleague of mine asked me which was more difficult to do: writing of books or a hard physical work like digging of channels for example. It was a joke question, of course but to his great surprise, my answer was the opposite of what he expected. Actually, I didn’t claim to write a good story should always be harder than any tiring physical work. Yet, I explained that oftentimes it requires much more effort, tension (physical and mental) and work than any other activity. Well, I guess not all the authors would agree with me, for a lot of them to write a good story one needs just a good imagination. Quite the contrary, I would reply, I mentioned about that in some other posts/notes of mine but it’s too important not to mention it again. Writing requires not only good writing skills, sufficient ability to imagine incredible creatures, events, etc, but also a lot of knowledge and experience for many of the written stories to become more real, interesting and breath-taking. I also explained the best ways to write good manuscripts are usually the hardest, as they include a lot of searching for information too, a writer shouldn’t claim his/her writing is good enough if it’s not preceded by a lot of experience or strivings to learn and live through all the tricks, details, even horrors and happy moments in a story. As the most important in writing is the good final result, not finding the most beautiful and comfortable place to write, or using the best device to write down a writer’s thoughts, namely a PC, laptop, or tablet. Usually, good final plots, stories require also some other efforts, not less important than gathering of information, like experiencing the characters’ all feelings, deeds, emotions to describe the heroes or villains’ inner world in the proper way, not just the gripping adventures and events. There’s a basic rule in writing I try to follow after I wrote my first Tale Of The Rock Pieces, to write a really good manuscript a writer must become a part of the story, as the story must become a part of a writer too. Then, a book would become a part of reality and could fulfill its most important purpose, to inspire readers, help them overcome different situations or improve their health, mentality, etc, more than entertain and relieve from our daily cares and mishaps…

I know there probably are as many opinions for this topic as there are writers, but I hope every writer would agree with me at least to some extent?

 

 

 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew

http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,