Posts Tagged ‘books’

some jokes for the beginning of May ;)

May 3, 2014

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Via Bill Koller: An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels .
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No … not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.

 

New thief prisoner enters in his cell: “Why you put these bars on the windows?” the thief asks the warder. “Because of security…” answers the wader. “You are insane! Who will try to enter and steal something from the prison???

Via Mari Eta: Preparing for a hunt, a father took his son’s cigarettes… Until afternoon, he had already shot a dragon, 3 mermaids and 2 trolls…

 

Plus a new thought from a book of mine:

Have a nice May, everyone :)!

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard,

www.shelfari.com/allanbard,

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

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Sites for social contacts – waste of time or a new wonder of the world…

April 22, 2014

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There are few words that are well-known everywhere in the world. And I bet the names of the sites for social contacts like facebook, myspace, sodahead, etc are already amongst the first ten of these magical words.

Knowing and liking are two very different things, a lot of people think such sites are nothing else but a waste of time (of the worst kind at that). A friend of mine, for example, thinks that to „friend” someone at facebook or myspace, etc is just a pressing of a little, virtual button. This action couldn’t replace the „real” friendship, as so called „virtual” friends wouldn’t be so concerned about someone’s problems and mishaps and couldn’t help any of their web-pals as any of the real friends (friends with a capital F) would do…

On the other hand, many other users of these famous sites (including me) would oppose that pressing the „friending” button means much more. It doesn’t include just an agreement to let some people in your world of photos, experience, way of life, etc. It also means after that one could find enormous quantity of inspiration, some good advices, even love and lots of the eternal wisdom. The most amazing thing about the virtual friendship is that we could find all these good sides of Internet friending amongst friends all over the world, discovering the vast fields of knowledge about other cultures, customs, way of life, way of thinking, etc. As a reply to all the guys who cannot stand the sight of the social sites, I would like to remind a short scene of the well-made animation Cloudy, With a Chance Of Meatballs. It was at the end of the movie, where the father of the main character had to use his son’s useful thought-reading device to say all the good things about love and appreciation he felt, which he couldn’t utter aloud in the presence of his talented but absent-minded heir. That’s what sites for social contacts could do too, posting some notes with our secret and peculiar, yet good speculations, showing some of the amazing photos we made, updating our status with thoughts that reveal our true selves would be the perfect way to tell anyone our true feelings and reveal our true character… Oftentimes, it’s a much better way to find real friends, so called friends with a capital F, as in real life we usually couldn’t say the things that inspire and trouble us so well as using the benefits of a site for social contacts.

My personal experience proves that every word of the above statements is true. Actually, I started using sites like facebook, sodahead, etc as a way for marketing of my book/s. This was what my publisher suggested, yet soon I discovered such sites were a perfect tool for finding good friends all over the world, the truth behind world news, the funny side behind most of the world events, the great realm of the useful tips and advices many virtual friends could offer, etc. It turned out that the knowledge of some of my vurtual friends surpassed a lot what my so called „real” friends coud let me know. For example, no one of my pals from the real world could explain to me the basic rules for surfing the big sea waves with the elegant surfing boards. Soon after I became a daily user of the famous sites, I realized they could be used as a combination of the best news publications and tv news programs, as at facebook or myspace one could see the reality behind the well-presented strive for power and money of the „higher” class, or the real cause for many horrible events. That way, sites for social contacts could become irreplaceable when the matter at hand is the best choice in elections, the wise decisions to be made for home repairing, healthcare, fitness, pet raising, etc.

My father (and many other older people too, I guess) claims that the young of today don’t know how to have real fun, staying all day long at their laptops and computers, forgetting the wonders of the real world. BTW, he couldn’t distinguish a stie from an e-mail address, but it’s not an obstacle for him to say at the time of his youth times were totally different (the sun shone brighter, people knew how to have real fun, visitng one another’s places, dancing in the villages’ squares every weekend and holiday, signing the old, country songs that have nothing in common with today’s „crap” texts and melodies, etc). Yet, what people like my father would probably never realize is the wonders that modern world offers are not less wonderful and magnificent than what men and women in the past times could experience. The benefits of sites for social contacts (finding friends, wisdom, good tips, inspiration, true facts behind the news, etc) are just one small part of the present time, indeed. However, they all are good enough to be amongst top ten of the most used words of today.

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http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

Tourist fair!

March 17, 2014
If there are a few places where many corners of the world meet, then tourist fairs are one of them. Usually, in every country most of the representatives of tourist companies come from the neighbour nations, yet that’s not written on stone. There always are some tourist agents from different continents too, and that makes the fairs even more interesting and magnificent.
Of course, these tourist events are totally different in the different countries. They are much more spectacular in the more developed places and respectively humbler in the ex-communist or so called third-world members. Yet, in every country there are some interesting sights and customs to be seen, so every tourist fair has its merits. Bulgaria, my native country, is no exception and even for me it’s always intriguing and exciting to have a look at the annual fair in our capital, Sofia.
Unfortunately, probably because of the world financial crisis, the tourist business is in recession to some extent and this year the fair was not so splendid as it had been in the past. Of course, it doesn’t mean today it’s not worth having a good look at all the stands, beautiful brochures, good tourist offers, etc.  
Every year one could see a lot of new, incredible views, places, resorts and cities or villages in the many brochures and booklets the companies give for free. Every year any visitor could be a participant in many raffles for free, exotic excursions, or receive a good discount for some of the touristic packages and become a proud owner of some useful and peculiar souvenirs (like cool ball-point pens, luggage handle holders, book marks, etc). A part of the wonderful touristic fair experience is also the opportunity to taste some exotic drinks and meals, some of which are made by the same recepies our ancient predecessors used.
No one should forget touristic fairs are the places where we could even learn and see a lot of new and unseen facts, views and customs of our own countries. Then, I bet everyone could remember and realize what a beauty and great events could be hidden in the lands where we were born. The last touristic fair in Sofia, Bulgaria was no exception and I made some good photos of Bulgarian kukeri masks (of the kind I’d never seen before), or of some famous, ancient sights. I couldn’t also refrain from promissing to some Bulgarian tourist agents to show their magnificent cities, villages and the still more amazing nature around. Many foreign tourists would appreciate their beauty, so if you plan to visit an exotic country like Bulgaria, here are some of the sites and links you should know about:
www.tran.bg, obshtina_tran@mail.bg, www.bgregio.eu.
There are some really good touristic programs many people would like to join. Of course, even if it is a small country, Bulgaria is an ancient one too (more than 1300 years old) and has interesting history, plus many other amazing sights and places to be seen. That’s why I plan to post some other information and photos about them in some of my future posts, so stay tuned :).
 
 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/
http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com
http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard
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1st March – one of the best feasts/traditions in Bulgaria/Balkan Peninsula.

March 3, 2014

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Happy 1st March, everyone! Wish you all the best luck, happiness and health possible J!

As every time at the beginning of the first month of spring, I couldn’t refrain to share some photos and some explanations about one of the most wonderful feats and customs/traditions at the Balkan Peninsula. At 1st March, people in Bulgaria, Macedonia, Romania, Moldova, even in north Greece give one another small (or not so small) souvenirs (Marchers, or martenitsi – мартеници) made of white and red threads. According to the tradition, then we pin them on our clothes or tie them on our wrists (depends on the type of the Marcher), so that we could be lucky and healthy throughout the year. The red thread symbolizes blood, life, the white thread – purity and happiness and the ancient custom goes that the oldest woman in the family has to tie Marchers on the wrists of the children to protect them against bad luck and to help them to be healthy. Marchers are used to be tied on wedding bouquets and on the herbs that are picked on 24th June (the day of John The Baptizer), or on the vessel in which the first milk on 6th May is milked (the day of George The Dragon Slayer). Then, to fulfill the purpose of the Marchers, they have to be hanged and tied on a tree that gives fruit when the first stork (or in some parts the first migratory bird) comes in spring, or when the first blossom appears on such a tree. Marchers could be put under stone too and could be used to predict the future – if there are ants under that stone after a month, the year will be fruitful and prosperous. Then, the good luck and health will be present throughout the year too.

That’s why one could see Marchers on the clothes or wrists of every man, woman and child on 1st March in Bulgaria. Later, the small red and white souvenirs hanged on the trees at many places after a month, are the same amazing view, as are all the stands on the streets and super-markets full of Marchers at the first days of March.    

The Marchers custom is at least a thousand years old. Though there are many different hypothesizes for its origin, no one is certain which one of them is the true one. According to one of these suppositions, the ancient Bulgarians were the first who used Marchers, after an important, won battle. Then, the sister of an ancient Bulgarian king sent a message to her brother in the form of a “Marcher” – two white threads, one of them dipped in the blood of the dead soldiers…   

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

www.allanbard.blogspot.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/allanbard/,

http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

 

some jokes before Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, everyone! Best wishes!

December 25, 2013

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The Hobbit 2, The Desolation Of Smaug – a good reason to get a 3D TV…

December 20, 2013
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“Welcome to the world of your childhood dreams!” This should be the greeting the agents/ushers in the movie saloons should say to all who go to see the 2nd part of one of the most famous fairy-tales…  And this greeting won’t be exaggerated as the movie is so magnificently well-made that one feels like a part of the fairy-tale itself…

 

Despite all the incredible, though extremely dangerous, adventures of the thirteen dwarves, the wise wizard and the young hobbit, the amazing special effects and the great costumes, the next part of the faity-tale would probably disappoint some of Tolkien’s fans when they find out it has little in common with the book. Yet, I guess when they see the amazing way the director and the other creators of the movie revived the story, they all would be in awe of all the dangers, well-developed dialogues, the incredible creatures, etc…

 

Contrary to the book, the new part of The Hobbit is not for kids again, even more than the 1st An Unexpected Journey. It’s much darker and more serious than the fairy-tale written on paper, with some new characters that were not present in the book, with a lot of new scenes and events, which were just mentioned but not described in J. R. Tolkien masterpiece (like the meeting with Sauron’s spirit and his subordinates, the events that lead to Thorin’s nickname, etc). A lot of the well-known adventures are developed to such an extent that at moments one feels that it’s a totally new story. But all that is so well-combined with the rest of the movie it makes it worthy of more admiration.

 

The new characters (not mentioned in the book) are so well created that they all become an essential part of all the dangerous and incredible adventures. I bet even the author would like the excellent fighter, the she-elf Tauriel (the great-looking Evangelyn Lily, a star from Lost) and her impossible love with the dwarf Kily, the dreadful white orc Azog and his incredible strength and ability to endure the constant pain of the prosthesis stuck in his cut arm, etc… Not to mention the many battle scenes that are so well-created they are almost impossible to achive in real life.

 

When all these details are combined with the 3 D motion picture, the experience in the movie salons becomes a dream come true… After all those complains about 3 D effects that tire our eyes, I would say The Hobbit would be a good reason to buy a 3 D TV set. Watching such movies at home could be accompanied with some rests from time to time and we could enjoy all the magnificence of the genre without being afraid about our eyesight so much?

 

Finally, I would like to point out that both the parts of The Hobbit’s movies are not for kids. There are too many and too vicious battle scenes and merciless killings, so I guess a lot of the younger fans would have sleep trouble after 2,30 – 2,40 hours spent at the movie salon…   

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

some jokes for the weekend :)

October 26, 2013

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In Bulgaria they say you cannot carry 2 water melons under one armpit (sorry, can’t remember the English version :). Yet, as some of my characters say: If we use all the opportunities, then even the laws of nature wouldn’t be an obstacle… That’s why I guess even in the most tense times (as happened to me recently, so I could not post regularly at my blog/s) one could find a solution to fulfill his/her tasks… Hope some of these jokes/anecdotes I will re post will make anyone’s weekend better :):

via Rose Smith: The Toughest Man In The Bar.A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: “I went by your grandma’s house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!” The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: “I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!” The biker’s buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says Nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, “I’ll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!” At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes and says…

“Grandpa,……. Go home, you’re drunk.” 
 
Via Rose SmithIf electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Via Rose SmithA husband and wife are having dinner at a fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who the hell was that?”

“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.””Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce.”

“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage, and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.”

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. “Who’s that woman with Jim?” asks the wife.

“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.

“Ours is prettier,” she replies.

 
  If the morning is wiser than the evening, then an evening could be funnier, crazier, much more interesting, much more magnificent, way more awesome or glorious than any morning hour, minute moment, or second… from my future Space Hide & Seek.
 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.comhttp://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

www.allanbard.blogspot.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/allanbard/,

http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

 

jokes for the beginning of the new week and the end of weekend ;).

July 1, 2013

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Some of the bad consequences of being too busy with many different errands is that one could hardly post at his/her blog… Yet, there is always a light in the end of tunnel – to deal with every task/errnad seems not so hard at moments, if only we organize our time well :)….

Two passengers are traveling in a train and the one looks at the other from top to toe. Finally, he says:

“It seems, you look just like my wife, if I just ignore the mustache…”

“But I don’t wear a mustache?” says the other.

“Yes, you don’t… But my wife wears one…”

Via Joe O’Connell: a little boy in the drugstore with his dad, suddenly creates a fuss, he wants a chocolate Easter Bunny. finally his father gives him one but the boy has a temper storm. he wants a male Easter bunny. the druggist and the father try to tell the boy it doesn’t make any difference, with that the boy holds up his little finger, and says there’s that much more chocolate…

 

What’s the last thing to go through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield? It’s asshole.

Evolution could be a crazy thing sometimes – it could create people who could be so narrow-minded to like and love only one book, movie, idea, song… from my future Space Ghosts.

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,   

some jokes for the new week…:)

June 4, 2013
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Hope my new dose of jokes will help many people start a good week 🙂
Via Georgi Chase: “Why can’t you play games in the jungle?

Because there’s always gonna be a cheetah..”

 A few priests complain to one another: “I have so  many rats in my church…” says the 1st. “I tried to chase them away with poison but it didn’t work at all…”
“There are even more in my church too,” sighs the 2nd. “I tried to set them on fire but they are still there…”
“Well, I tried your methods too,” says the 3rd. “And when they didn’t work either, I just made them my parishioners… So, now they are nowhere to be seen in my church…”
And some interesting facts some guys would consider funny, but I guess the 2nd one is scary too: Via Sanjay Shukla: FACT-FILE:Only 8% of the world’s currency exists as physical cash, the rest is electronic….!FACT-FILE:The average billionaire spends $25 million a year on food and entertainment, enough to feed 70,000 hungry people for a year…..!!! 
 
The balance between good and evil in some people is destroyed to such an extent that they need to hate something or someone all the time. my future Incredible Future.

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/ivanstoikov.allanbard, http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard

The Rocks Of Belogradchik – one of the wonders of the world.

May 28, 2013

There are amazing sights all over the world, so a small country like Bulgaria is no exception. The many photos of the rocks of Belogradtchik (in the north-west part of my country) are certain prove of that “rule”. I guess they are wondrous enough to be in the list with the greatest sights on Earth.

Unfortunately, they were not chosen to be amongst the new eighth wonders of the world, though it seems they were good enough to be under the protection of UNESCO after the voting for the new list of wonders was over. I hope all the people who could see and feel the beauty and magnificence in all the forms of nature would be glad these rocks will be kept safe for the future generations too. For more info about them have a look at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belogradchik_Rocks.

Actually, the weather was really bad for the spring time of the year the last time when I visited the amazing rocks with a good friend of mine. The entire place was covered with a thin layer of snow and there was fog (too thick at some spots) everywhere. Yet, that way some of my photos have the amazingly mysterious look of the ancient fairy-tales or myths and real historical events… That’s why I couldn’t refrain from posting them, as one could rarely see the magnificence and mysteriousness of the rocks while they were covered with fog and snow… More of them will appear soon at my flickr, facebook, pinterest profiles too.

  

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,   

http://www.flickr.com/photos/allanbard/

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