Archive for the ‘poems’ Category

Merry Cristmas and Happy New Year, everyone! + some jokes ;)…

December 28, 2012

merrychristmas1 copyHope everyone had a nice Christmas? Hope a great year is ahead of us too, despite the bad consequences of the number 13, according to some guys ;)! Hope these jokes/anecdotes I found could help anyone to deal better with the time left until the new year’s eve! Best of the best wishes!

 

“Doctor, I feel awful in the morning when I got drunk in the evening before that… Can you give me some advice, tips?”

“Let’s see, then… Have you tried not to get drunk in the evening?”

“Oh, yes… I got drunk in the morning instead, but then my head hurt in the evening…

 

“Hello, Red Riding Hood, ” said the big bad wolf. “What are you carrying in your bag?”

And Santa Claus thought to himself: ‘Why I had to shave myself???’

 

A young orphan wrote a letter to Santa Claus: “Dear Santa, I’m a kid without parents and no money and would really like to have a scarf, a coat and a pair of boots for Christmas…” Then addressed the letter with the only address of Santa he knew: To Santa Claus, Lapland. The agents in the post office were really kind and reading the letter, decided to gather some money of theirs and buy this kid the presents. But it turned out their money were enough only to buy him a pair of boots and a coat. When the kid received the presents, he was really happy and wrote back to Santa right away: “Dear Santa! Thank you very much for the presents, but you have to know that the idiots in the post office stole my scarf…”

 

…and to deal with that, we need a feast which combines many of our traditions, customs and believes… Can we find a better solution  than Christmas?… from my future Space Hide&Seek.

 

 

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

 

jokes after Thanksgiving… not good for kids…:)

November 24, 2012

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Hope everyone who celebrated had a nice feast?

 

 

 

“I want to wear a real pearl necklace in the fist act!” an actress was whimsical, telling to her director.

 

“Ok, but then the poison you drink in the last act should be real too…” says the director.

 

 

 

 

 

The jinn from lamp finally said to Aladin: “When I see how you rub the lamp, I assume you still don;t have a girlfriend…”

 

 

 

In the court the judge said to the 80 year old defendant: “Last Friday you raped an old lady at 9 p.m. in the park, then at 10 p.m. you raped a young blonde lady in the city main square, and at 11 p.m. you raped a beautiful student at the railway station… But that’s impossible!”

 

“Impossible my ass…” replies the defendant. “I have a bicycle…”

 

 

 

And as I’ll finish my next The Opposite Of Magic soon, I couldn’t refrain from posting a quote from there, quote I like very much: Blessed is the one who wins, but incomparably more blessed is that one who wins with honour. Ruler Beogard’s people’s saying. And cheating with honour is as worthy of respect as winning honestly, as the leader of the sea traders Godrick would add…

 

 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

 

http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

 

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,

 

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Some jokes before the new Halloween week, some not good for kids…:)

October 28, 2012

I hope that I don’t disturb some people with some of the jokes/anecdotes I post… I know not all of them are appropriate for kids, yet when there’s such an occasion, I usually warn about that at title… Have a nice Halloween, everyone!

 

Sex is an invention of a very smart venereal disease… David Cronenberg.

 

In the court: “Why you want to divorce with your wife?”

“Every night she goes out and visit a lot of bars…”

“Why is that???”

“She’s looking for me…”

 

A teacher in the kindergarten poured some brandy in their tea so that they could fall asleep quickly in the afternoon… After the police arrested the teacher, the kids took out their savings to pay her bail…

 

“I wonder why some people are so stupid… Why should they worship actors and actresses, when writers and authors are the ones who must accept all the glory, honors, love, gifts, etc of fans? Actors and actresses just repeat their words and thoughts like parrots, most of the time they don’t even like what they do…  from my future Space Hide & Seek.

 

 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew

www.allanbard.blogspot.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/allanbard/,

http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard

 

middle of the week jokes, some not too good for kids though…:)

October 18, 2012

SON: Mom . . . . mmmoomm!!!… Where are the cookies mom?

MOM: Errr….. c:\windows\temporary internet files\…

 

via Kevin Duthie, a good friend from facebook, the joke not too good for kids though:

A fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up – fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman… and so forth. However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, “My father’s an Exotic Dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.” The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside. “Is that really true about your father?” ” No ,” the boy said, “He works for the Republican National Committee and is helping to get Romney elected, but it’s too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids.”

 

A rabbit was standing at the front of a cave and carved a stick. A fox was passing by and asked what the rabbit was doing

“Well, I’m writing a diploma paper “How rabbits can eat foxes”…. replied the rabbit.

“Oh, is that so? Come with me in the cave then, to show me how that could be done…”

They went in the cave but after 10 minutes the rabbit came out of there alone and again began to carve its stick… A wolf appeared from the wood and asked the rabbit what he was up to. When  the answer was the same, the wolf took the rabbit in the cave to give him a lesson, but after 10 minutes the rabbit came out alone… Then, a curious bear came there and after receiving the “smart” answer about writing of diploma paper about that how rabbits could eat bears, they went in the cave again… After 10 minutes, the rabiit came out followed by a content lion who cleaned his teeth with tooth stick. Then the rabbit whispered: “It’s not so important what you write about, it’s who’s your director of studies that matters…

 

And a quote, part from a future book of mine: One of the good ways to live a long and healthy life are the every day jokes and laughter. my future The Origin Of Gods. I know I’m not the 1st who uses a quote with such a meaning, but it’s really important not to mention it in my works too…:).

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew

http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,

October 12, 2012

An old couple liked to play hide and seek. In the morning, the old lady hid the bottle with whiskey, and if the old man could find it, then at the evening the old woman had to hide…

 

Do you want to do good for the society? To make many young women run after you? Or to make dozens of people wait for your appearance even in the sever weather? Join our team! The public transport looks for drivers…

 

“Hello, land team? It’s flight 365, we want to land immediately…”

“But why? You flew off 5 minutes ago…”

“Our stew forgot to switch off her iron at home…”

 

As strange as it may sound, the best gift/b-day present for a teenager would be a participation in a movie, where he/she could play the part of the bad character… Then and only then, he/she could say aloud all the bad and foul curses without any bad consequences… 😉 my future The Origin Of Gods.

Hope these jokes could be a good beginning of the weekend :)! Take care, everyone!

 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://allanbard.hit.bg,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com,

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov/121092637984053?sk=wall,

http://www.shelfari.com/allanbard, myspace.com/ivan_allanbard,

The best way to write a book…

October 11, 2012

Once a friend/colleague of mine asked me which was more difficult to do: writing of books or a hard physical work like digging of channels for example. It was a joke question, of course but to his great surprise, my answer was the opposite of what he expected. Actually, I didn’t claim to write a good story should always be harder than any tiring physical work. Yet, I explained that oftentimes it requires much more effort, tension (physical and mental) and work than any other activity. Well, I guess not all the authors would agree with me, for a lot of them to write a good story one needs just a good imagination. Quite the contrary, I would reply, I mentioned about that in some other posts/notes of mine but it’s too important not to mention it again. Writing requires not only good writing skills, sufficient ability to imagine incredible creatures, events, etc, but also a lot of knowledge and experience for many of the written stories to become more real, interesting and breath-taking. I also explained the best ways to write good manuscripts are usually the hardest, as they include a lot of searching for information too, a writer shouldn’t claim his/her writing is good enough if it’s not preceded by a lot of experience or strivings to learn and live through all the tricks, details, even horrors and happy moments in a story. As the most important in writing is the good final result, not finding the most beautiful and comfortable place to write, or using the best device to write down a writer’s thoughts, namely a PC, laptop, or tablet. Usually, good final plots, stories require also some other efforts, not less important than gathering of information, like experiencing the characters’ all feelings, deeds, emotions to describe the heroes or villains’ inner world in the proper way, not just the gripping adventures and events. There’s a basic rule in writing I try to follow after I wrote my first Tale Of The Rock Pieces, to write a really good manuscript a writer must become a part of the story, as the story must become a part of a writer too. Then, a book would become a part of reality and could fulfill its most important purpose, to inspire readers, help them overcome different situations or improve their health, mentality, etc, more than entertain and relieve from our daily cares and mishaps…

I know there probably are as many opinions for this topic as there are writers, but I hope every writer would agree with me at least to some extent?

 

 

 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew

http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,

some jokes before my vacation :)

August 6, 2012

Hope everyone impatiently await their vacation for this year? If you didn’t have one yet? I for one would be very glad to swim in the Black Sea this year for 10 days, hope to meet some friends there, though the few I wanted to see won’t be able to come it seems… Yet, if you plan to be in Burgas, Bulgaria, let me know, we could have a great time together! And could finish my next The Opposite Of Magic together too? I need some help/info about some chapters… Like some for surfing with the amazing boards on the big waves in the sea/ocean… Nevertheless, I hope the jokes I chose could be a good start for the week:

A priest at an Irish wedding said to the present: “And now let’s all of you stand by the person who makes your life complete…” So, the local bartender was nearly suffocated…

After waiting 3 days and nights for a letter from his beloved, the prince charming finally got one via pigeon. But when he opened it, there was written: “We grind swords and knives! Low prices!”

And a thought from my stories: If you want to know the bad sides of someone, a friend or not, then you should ask his enemies… my future Incredible Future.

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,

http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, http://www.shelfari.com/allanbard

jokes before the weekend ;)

July 26, 2012

The best description of football: it is the thing where 22 persons take care of their health, exercise every day, don’t drink, don’t smoke, etc. Meanwhile, thousands are worried about them, drink, smoke, brake their nerves, etc

A policeman stops a driver for excessive speed: “Let me see your driving license, Mr!” “Well, officer, I don’t have any, as after the divorce my wife took it and I had the car…”

The best recipe to deal with mosquitoes: Smear yourself with wine, then pour sand on yourself – the mosquitoes get drunk by the wine and start throwing stones at one another…;)

To feel joy seeing some poor animals behind the bars of the cages in a zoo doesn’t always mean one is cruel or insane. Sometimes, it’s a sign one pays more attention to animals’ beauty than to anything else… from my future Space Hide & Seek.

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,

http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

Do you like the offer to participate/help in writing of a book?

July 23, 2012

Usually, writers, poets, actors, directors of movies are considered the craziest persons one could come across. Their enormous strangeness could amaze (or disgust 😉 many people. Probably because one of the craziest things they’ve ever heard is the offer to “take a part” in a story, so that any writer, actor, director, etc could make their works better and more real. A lot of them realize that oftentimes this is not an essential condition to write well, but it helps a lot to create good works.

Yet, for most of those who never tried to write a story is usually frustrating to be so to say a part of a book/movie-script with their habits, life experience, appearance or even mishaps. It seems mostly the creators of stories could realize how important it is to connect reality with the imaginary adventures, the good, gripping plot, the better dialogue, etc, and how all of them are connected with finding a part of the characters in real men and women amongst their friends, relatives, etc. Then, many writers I guess get brand new inspiration and their works become much better. Demi Moore, for example, had to talk with a lot of strippers to prepare well for her role in Striptease, Terry Pratchett used some real people’s personalities/frame of mind to create some of his famous characters like aunt Ogg, her Tom-cat Gribo, the Luggage, etc. Yet, the attitude of many of the “chosen” ones could be really awful… My personal experience show that when some narrow-minded guys realize what I plan to do with their experience, appearance, thoughts, etc, they look at me that way as if I jumped over a fence of psychiatry from the inside out.

Of course, I have some good memories too (an ex-colleague of mine was really glad to know that she was my inspiration for an ancient princess/ruler in my next The Opposite Of Magic and really helped me with some of her thoughts and events from her past, some other friends from abroad I met through Internet were really kind to give me some info about their experience and knowledge, as well as the permission to use some of their excellent names in some future works of mine, etc…). I’m not sure which of them were more, those who thought I was crazy or the guys who were kind enough to enjoy my offer to join me in the great adventure of writing a story. But I just want to remind to the frustrated persons that next time when they watch a movie or read a book they like so much that their life or frame of mind could change for better once and for all, they have to remember that may be some guys like them helped the writer, movie-maker with their thoughts, personalities, etc, so that the book, movie could become so brilliant… Hope I’m not the only one who appreciates such method for the true writing of a good story ;)?

 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,

http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

jokes for the weekend ;)…

July 15, 2012

A football player tells his friends: “I scored 2 goals yesterday!” ” Great! So, what was the final score?” “1:1…”

An orchestra conductor received an anonymous note from the public:  ” Excuse me, I don’t want to gossip, but I have to let you know that the drummer beats the drums only when you look at him…”

After waiting for half an hour, a judge asks the accused: “Where is your lawyer?” “Well, your honor, when I told him that I didn’t steal the money he just went home…”

And my excerpt from my 1st book Tale Of The Rock Pieces: The things we see with our eyes closed oftentimes help us deal with the things we see with our eyes wide open. The wizard Alvin.

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://allanbard.hit.bg,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,

http://www.shelfari.com/allanbard, myspace.com/ivan_allanbard, http://www.facebook.com/ivanstoikov.allanbard, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com,

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com,