Posts Tagged ‘poems’

Jack The Giant Slayer – one of the ancient fairy-tales told in a better way.

April 6, 2013

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“As a king I could pay you a lot of gold, as a father I will never be able to pay you back…” This line from the movie Jack The Giant Slayer (I can’t remember the exact words, actually, but the meaning was the same) was one of the many things in this old-story-told-in-a-better-modern-way that would make any fan realize motion pictures could improve and develop the old fairy-tales and be much better, wiser or even funnier than the one-time adventures our parents used to put us to bed with.

I guess many fantasy fans and critics would say the movie is too naive and childish, yet everyone should agree it’s a fairy-tale and everything there should be much different than our everyday boring routine. That’s why any critic should admire the good job the movie crew have done creating the breath-taking plot, the amazing fairy-tale creatures, the brave deeds or some characters’ wise thoughts. Motion pictures like Jack The Giant Slayer could really inspire any fantasy fan to show some brave actions, to look not only for the amazing special effects in such movies but for wise thoughts and quotes too, and to have such fun in the movie hall as it could never happen with another story about our modern life…

Actually, if you’ve seen The Hobbit before Jack The Giant Slayer, you wouldn’t be so impressed by the special effects in the fairy-tale with the magical beans. At moments, the giants are as “good-looking” as some of the orcs, yet as a whole the costumes and the horrible creatures from Bilbo Baggins’ story were more impressive. It doesn’t mean, of course, that the other qualities of Jack’s story are not good enough. A friend of mine from UK said it was a typical English movie, showing some good sides of monarchy too (noble thoughts and actions of kings and princesses, their compassion and honorable behavior, etc). I guess this motion picture could become another reason for English people to love their queen?

Jack, The Giant Slayer includes some horrible scenes, I have to admit, and though we are accustomed to such violence in movies already (it couldn’t be put in a row with real horror motion pictures, of course, like Friday 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, etc), some people with faint hearts should close their eyes at some of the dreadful moments… Anyway, the excellent crew is another plus for the movie:Nicholas Hoult as Jack is a typical hero from most fairy-tales we’ve read,Eleanor Tomlinson is amazing and not typical princess from most of the stories form our childhood,Ewan McGregor is a great guardian and soldier, Stanley Tucci is perfect as a traitor, Bill Nighy is one of the nastiest and most cunning giants you’d ever see, Ian McShane is a king many countries would be proud of, etc…

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

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http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard

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Happy April’s Fool Day, everyone :)!

April 1, 2013
mother.pigeonHappy April’s Fool day, everyone! Hope your lies/pranks were/are/will be better and more than those of the other who try to lie and make a fun of you…:). Anyway, a few good jokes could make the day perfect even for the victims of the others’ pranks and lies:
THE POLISH DIVORCE -(Joke shared by Avinash Kamat)

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.

One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office
and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances,
and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don’t think you understand.
Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me.
She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.

I can read English pretty good, and it say:

…POLISH REMOVER..!!

“Your weight is not compatible with your height” said a diet expert to a fat guy. “You see now,” the fat guy said to his friends. “I’m tall, not fat!!!”
All the kids have imaginary friends, only those who train martial arts have imaginary enemies… from my future Kids’ Funny Business, or Space Parasites.

http://www.shelfari.com/allanbard,myspace.com/ivan_allanbard, http://www.facebook.com/ivanstoikov.allanbard, ,

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http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html,http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://allanbard.hit.bg,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,

Merry Cristmas and Happy New Year, everyone! + some jokes ;)…

December 28, 2012

merrychristmas1 copyHope everyone had a nice Christmas? Hope a great year is ahead of us too, despite the bad consequences of the number 13, according to some guys ;)! Hope these jokes/anecdotes I found could help anyone to deal better with the time left until the new year’s eve! Best of the best wishes!

 

“Doctor, I feel awful in the morning when I got drunk in the evening before that… Can you give me some advice, tips?”

“Let’s see, then… Have you tried not to get drunk in the evening?”

“Oh, yes… I got drunk in the morning instead, but then my head hurt in the evening…

 

“Hello, Red Riding Hood, ” said the big bad wolf. “What are you carrying in your bag?”

And Santa Claus thought to himself: ‘Why I had to shave myself???’

 

A young orphan wrote a letter to Santa Claus: “Dear Santa, I’m a kid without parents and no money and would really like to have a scarf, a coat and a pair of boots for Christmas…” Then addressed the letter with the only address of Santa he knew: To Santa Claus, Lapland. The agents in the post office were really kind and reading the letter, decided to gather some money of theirs and buy this kid the presents. But it turned out their money were enough only to buy him a pair of boots and a coat. When the kid received the presents, he was really happy and wrote back to Santa right away: “Dear Santa! Thank you very much for the presents, but you have to know that the idiots in the post office stole my scarf…”

 

…and to deal with that, we need a feast which combines many of our traditions, customs and believes… Can we find a better solution  than Christmas?… from my future Space Hide&Seek.

 

 

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

 

some jokes for the new week…:) not all good for kids…

December 3, 2012

523401_394690033911421_1717406793_nHope everyone is preparing for Christmas and New Year’s Eve?  I wish everyone happy holidays!

A woman asked her husband before they went to bed: “Honey, where’s your wedding ring?”

“Well, my dear… Here’s what happened…” And that’s how the trilogy The Lord Of The Rings was created…

A girl wrote as her status at facebook: “I’ll sleep naked tonight…”

Immediately, 1000 mosquitoes hit the like button…

“I like the thinking people!” said the scientist.

“I like these who believe.” said the priest.

“And I like the  men of affairs.” said the banker.

“Well, I like everyone who have a head on their shoulders…” added the executioner….

If some goals are good excuse for their meanings, other meanings could ruin their goals on all sides, squeeze the good out of them that way it could become a simple trash, or turn everything there into a pure evil… my The Origin Of Gods.

http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI

some weekend dose of one of the best medicines, laughter…:) not all for kids though…

November 18, 2012

Two youngsters watch two girls in a bar. “Let’s go to meet them!” says the one.

“Ok,”but a bit later,” says the other. “Let them pay their bill first…”

 

Why people are frustrated by Chinese quality of stuff and praise German products so much? Don’t you remember that The Great Chinese Wall have been standing thousands of years and the wall in Berlin was destroyed after a few decades?… As God made Heaven and Earth….. the rest was Made in China….!!!

 

“When I left my previous landlady, she cried…” said a youngster to his new landlady.

“Don’t worry, darling, I won’t,” replied his new landlady. “I take the rent in advance…”

 

All the women say they like men with uniforms, but what they keep to themselves is that they actually prefer the other sex without them… my future Incredible Future or Lake Mystery :).

 

Hope everyone had/have a nice weekend! 🙂

 

 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,

 

Some jokes before the new Halloween week, some not good for kids…:)

October 28, 2012

I hope that I don’t disturb some people with some of the jokes/anecdotes I post… I know not all of them are appropriate for kids, yet when there’s such an occasion, I usually warn about that at title… Have a nice Halloween, everyone!

 

Sex is an invention of a very smart venereal disease… David Cronenberg.

 

In the court: “Why you want to divorce with your wife?”

“Every night she goes out and visit a lot of bars…”

“Why is that???”

“She’s looking for me…”

 

A teacher in the kindergarten poured some brandy in their tea so that they could fall asleep quickly in the afternoon… After the police arrested the teacher, the kids took out their savings to pay her bail…

 

“I wonder why some people are so stupid… Why should they worship actors and actresses, when writers and authors are the ones who must accept all the glory, honors, love, gifts, etc of fans? Actors and actresses just repeat their words and thoughts like parrots, most of the time they don’t even like what they do…  from my future Space Hide & Seek.

 

 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew

www.allanbard.blogspot.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/allanbard/,

http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard

 

middle of the week jokes, some not too good for kids though…:)

October 18, 2012

SON: Mom . . . . mmmoomm!!!… Where are the cookies mom?

MOM: Errr….. c:\windows\temporary internet files\…

 

via Kevin Duthie, a good friend from facebook, the joke not too good for kids though:

A fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up – fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman… and so forth. However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, “My father’s an Exotic Dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.” The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside. “Is that really true about your father?” ” No ,” the boy said, “He works for the Republican National Committee and is helping to get Romney elected, but it’s too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids.”

 

A rabbit was standing at the front of a cave and carved a stick. A fox was passing by and asked what the rabbit was doing

“Well, I’m writing a diploma paper “How rabbits can eat foxes”…. replied the rabbit.

“Oh, is that so? Come with me in the cave then, to show me how that could be done…”

They went in the cave but after 10 minutes the rabbit came out of there alone and again began to carve its stick… A wolf appeared from the wood and asked the rabbit what he was up to. When  the answer was the same, the wolf took the rabbit in the cave to give him a lesson, but after 10 minutes the rabbit came out alone… Then, a curious bear came there and after receiving the “smart” answer about writing of diploma paper about that how rabbits could eat bears, they went in the cave again… After 10 minutes, the rabiit came out followed by a content lion who cleaned his teeth with tooth stick. Then the rabbit whispered: “It’s not so important what you write about, it’s who’s your director of studies that matters…

 

And a quote, part from a future book of mine: One of the good ways to live a long and healthy life are the every day jokes and laughter. my future The Origin Of Gods. I know I’m not the 1st who uses a quote with such a meaning, but it’s really important not to mention it in my works too…:).

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew

http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,

October 12, 2012

An old couple liked to play hide and seek. In the morning, the old lady hid the bottle with whiskey, and if the old man could find it, then at the evening the old woman had to hide…

 

Do you want to do good for the society? To make many young women run after you? Or to make dozens of people wait for your appearance even in the sever weather? Join our team! The public transport looks for drivers…

 

“Hello, land team? It’s flight 365, we want to land immediately…”

“But why? You flew off 5 minutes ago…”

“Our stew forgot to switch off her iron at home…”

 

As strange as it may sound, the best gift/b-day present for a teenager would be a participation in a movie, where he/she could play the part of the bad character… Then and only then, he/she could say aloud all the bad and foul curses without any bad consequences… 😉 my future The Origin Of Gods.

Hope these jokes could be a good beginning of the weekend :)! Take care, everyone!

 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://allanbard.hit.bg,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com,

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov/121092637984053?sk=wall,

http://www.shelfari.com/allanbard, myspace.com/ivan_allanbard,

The best way to write a book…

October 11, 2012

Once a friend/colleague of mine asked me which was more difficult to do: writing of books or a hard physical work like digging of channels for example. It was a joke question, of course but to his great surprise, my answer was the opposite of what he expected. Actually, I didn’t claim to write a good story should always be harder than any tiring physical work. Yet, I explained that oftentimes it requires much more effort, tension (physical and mental) and work than any other activity. Well, I guess not all the authors would agree with me, for a lot of them to write a good story one needs just a good imagination. Quite the contrary, I would reply, I mentioned about that in some other posts/notes of mine but it’s too important not to mention it again. Writing requires not only good writing skills, sufficient ability to imagine incredible creatures, events, etc, but also a lot of knowledge and experience for many of the written stories to become more real, interesting and breath-taking. I also explained the best ways to write good manuscripts are usually the hardest, as they include a lot of searching for information too, a writer shouldn’t claim his/her writing is good enough if it’s not preceded by a lot of experience or strivings to learn and live through all the tricks, details, even horrors and happy moments in a story. As the most important in writing is the good final result, not finding the most beautiful and comfortable place to write, or using the best device to write down a writer’s thoughts, namely a PC, laptop, or tablet. Usually, good final plots, stories require also some other efforts, not less important than gathering of information, like experiencing the characters’ all feelings, deeds, emotions to describe the heroes or villains’ inner world in the proper way, not just the gripping adventures and events. There’s a basic rule in writing I try to follow after I wrote my first Tale Of The Rock Pieces, to write a really good manuscript a writer must become a part of the story, as the story must become a part of a writer too. Then, a book would become a part of reality and could fulfill its most important purpose, to inspire readers, help them overcome different situations or improve their health, mentality, etc, more than entertain and relieve from our daily cares and mishaps…

I know there probably are as many opinions for this topic as there are writers, but I hope every writer would agree with me at least to some extent?

 

 

 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew

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http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,

some jokes before my vacation :)

August 6, 2012

Hope everyone impatiently await their vacation for this year? If you didn’t have one yet? I for one would be very glad to swim in the Black Sea this year for 10 days, hope to meet some friends there, though the few I wanted to see won’t be able to come it seems… Yet, if you plan to be in Burgas, Bulgaria, let me know, we could have a great time together! And could finish my next The Opposite Of Magic together too? I need some help/info about some chapters… Like some for surfing with the amazing boards on the big waves in the sea/ocean… Nevertheless, I hope the jokes I chose could be a good start for the week:

A priest at an Irish wedding said to the present: “And now let’s all of you stand by the person who makes your life complete…” So, the local bartender was nearly suffocated…

After waiting 3 days and nights for a letter from his beloved, the prince charming finally got one via pigeon. But when he opened it, there was written: “We grind swords and knives! Low prices!”

And a thought from my stories: If you want to know the bad sides of someone, a friend or not, then you should ask his enemies… my future Incredible Future.

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,

http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, http://www.shelfari.com/allanbard