Happy 1st April, everyone ;)! Some jokes to make you feel better if you’ve been fooled…

April 2, 2014

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If a young lady can pick up 2 kg of whortleberries for a day in the woods, and a young boy could pick up 3 kg of whortleberries for the same time, then it doesn’t mean that if they both go to the forest at the same time they would pick up 5 kg of whortleberries for a day…

 

A teacher asked a student to name a few animals, starting at 2 and then increasing the number of the species by one: “Lion and…” said the first.

“Lion, tiger and…” said the 2nd.

“Lion, tiger, rabbit and…” said the 3rd.

“Two lions, two tigers and a rabbit…” said the 4th.

 

 A train was quite crowded and a U.S. Marine walked the entire length of the train looking for a seat,

but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle aged French woman’s poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, “Ma’am may I have that seat”?
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular “Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat”.
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
Please Ma’am, may I sit down, I’m very tired?. She snorted, “Not only are you Americans rude you are also arrogant”.
This time the Marine didn’t say a word, he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.
The woman shrieked “Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!”
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. “Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.”
“You hold your fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. You drink your beer cold.

“And now Sir you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window..  

 

To blame the majority for the sins of a few is as wise as blaming the passengers for the driver’s mistakes. my future Origin Of Gods.

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bardwww.shelfari.com/allanbard,   

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.comhttp://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

some jokes for the beginning of spring-time :)

March 24, 2014

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Wish you a nice spring-time, everyone :)!

via Mari Eta: It’s not shameful for a man to cry… It’s shameful when his make-up is washed out…

 

Via Sanjay Shukla: INDIA:HEAVEN ON EARTH:
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he Noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read ‘$10,000 per call’.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what The telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the Same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and
He asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000
He Could talk to God.

‘ O.K., thank you,’ said the American.

He then traveled to Pakistan, Srilanka, Russia, Germany and France …

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same ‘$10,000 Per call’ sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to See if Indians had the same phone.

He arrived in India , and again, in the first church he entered, there
Was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read

‘One
Rupee per call.’

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
‘Father, I’ve traveled all over World and I’ve seen this same golden Telephone in many churches. I’m told that it is a direct line to Heaven, But in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?’ The priest smiled and answered, ‘You’re in India now, Son – it’s a Local Call’.This is the only heaven on the Earth. 
KEEP SMILING 
If you are proud to be an Indian pass this on!!!

Via Mari Eta: Never wrap a GMO fish in a newspaper… The GMO bastard fills in the crossword puzzle…

 

And my usual quote/thought from some of my writings:

(Oftentimes) the best way toward courage is knowledge… from my Lake Mystery.

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.comhttp://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bardwww.shelfari.com/allanbard

Tourist fair!

March 17, 2014
If there are a few places where many corners of the world meet, then tourist fairs are one of them. Usually, in every country most of the representatives of tourist companies come from the neighbour nations, yet that’s not written on stone. There always are some tourist agents from different continents too, and that makes the fairs even more interesting and magnificent.
Of course, these tourist events are totally different in the different countries. They are much more spectacular in the more developed places and respectively humbler in the ex-communist or so called third-world members. Yet, in every country there are some interesting sights and customs to be seen, so every tourist fair has its merits. Bulgaria, my native country, is no exception and even for me it’s always intriguing and exciting to have a look at the annual fair in our capital, Sofia.
Unfortunately, probably because of the world financial crisis, the tourist business is in recession to some extent and this year the fair was not so splendid as it had been in the past. Of course, it doesn’t mean today it’s not worth having a good look at all the stands, beautiful brochures, good tourist offers, etc.  
Every year one could see a lot of new, incredible views, places, resorts and cities or villages in the many brochures and booklets the companies give for free. Every year any visitor could be a participant in many raffles for free, exotic excursions, or receive a good discount for some of the touristic packages and become a proud owner of some useful and peculiar souvenirs (like cool ball-point pens, luggage handle holders, book marks, etc). A part of the wonderful touristic fair experience is also the opportunity to taste some exotic drinks and meals, some of which are made by the same recepies our ancient predecessors used.
No one should forget touristic fairs are the places where we could even learn and see a lot of new and unseen facts, views and customs of our own countries. Then, I bet everyone could remember and realize what a beauty and great events could be hidden in the lands where we were born. The last touristic fair in Sofia, Bulgaria was no exception and I made some good photos of Bulgarian kukeri masks (of the kind I’d never seen before), or of some famous, ancient sights. I couldn’t also refrain from promissing to some Bulgarian tourist agents to show their magnificent cities, villages and the still more amazing nature around. Many foreign tourists would appreciate their beauty, so if you plan to visit an exotic country like Bulgaria, here are some of the sites and links you should know about:
www.tran.bg, obshtina_tran@mail.bg, www.bgregio.eu.
There are some really good touristic programs many people would like to join. Of course, even if it is a small country, Bulgaria is an ancient one too (more than 1300 years old) and has interesting history, plus many other amazing sights and places to be seen. That’s why I plan to post some other information and photos about them in some of my future posts, so stay tuned :).
 
 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/
http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com
http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard
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1st March – one of the best feasts/traditions in Bulgaria/Balkan Peninsula.

March 3, 2014

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Happy 1st March, everyone! Wish you all the best luck, happiness and health possible J!

As every time at the beginning of the first month of spring, I couldn’t refrain to share some photos and some explanations about one of the most wonderful feats and customs/traditions at the Balkan Peninsula. At 1st March, people in Bulgaria, Macedonia, Romania, Moldova, even in north Greece give one another small (or not so small) souvenirs (Marchers, or martenitsi – мартеници) made of white and red threads. According to the tradition, then we pin them on our clothes or tie them on our wrists (depends on the type of the Marcher), so that we could be lucky and healthy throughout the year. The red thread symbolizes blood, life, the white thread – purity and happiness and the ancient custom goes that the oldest woman in the family has to tie Marchers on the wrists of the children to protect them against bad luck and to help them to be healthy. Marchers are used to be tied on wedding bouquets and on the herbs that are picked on 24th June (the day of John The Baptizer), or on the vessel in which the first milk on 6th May is milked (the day of George The Dragon Slayer). Then, to fulfill the purpose of the Marchers, they have to be hanged and tied on a tree that gives fruit when the first stork (or in some parts the first migratory bird) comes in spring, or when the first blossom appears on such a tree. Marchers could be put under stone too and could be used to predict the future – if there are ants under that stone after a month, the year will be fruitful and prosperous. Then, the good luck and health will be present throughout the year too.

That’s why one could see Marchers on the clothes or wrists of every man, woman and child on 1st March in Bulgaria. Later, the small red and white souvenirs hanged on the trees at many places after a month, are the same amazing view, as are all the stands on the streets and super-markets full of Marchers at the first days of March.    

The Marchers custom is at least a thousand years old. Though there are many different hypothesizes for its origin, no one is certain which one of them is the true one. According to one of these suppositions, the ancient Bulgarians were the first who used Marchers, after an important, won battle. Then, the sister of an ancient Bulgarian king sent a message to her brother in the form of a “Marcher” – two white threads, one of them dipped in the blood of the dead soldiers…   

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

www.allanbard.blogspot.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/allanbard/,

http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

 

some jokes before Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, everyone! Best wishes!

December 25, 2013

Read the rest of this entry »

The Hobbit 2, The Desolation Of Smaug – a good reason to get a 3D TV…

December 20, 2013
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“Welcome to the world of your childhood dreams!” This should be the greeting the agents/ushers in the movie saloons should say to all who go to see the 2nd part of one of the most famous fairy-tales…  And this greeting won’t be exaggerated as the movie is so magnificently well-made that one feels like a part of the fairy-tale itself…

 

Despite all the incredible, though extremely dangerous, adventures of the thirteen dwarves, the wise wizard and the young hobbit, the amazing special effects and the great costumes, the next part of the faity-tale would probably disappoint some of Tolkien’s fans when they find out it has little in common with the book. Yet, I guess when they see the amazing way the director and the other creators of the movie revived the story, they all would be in awe of all the dangers, well-developed dialogues, the incredible creatures, etc…

 

Contrary to the book, the new part of The Hobbit is not for kids again, even more than the 1st An Unexpected Journey. It’s much darker and more serious than the fairy-tale written on paper, with some new characters that were not present in the book, with a lot of new scenes and events, which were just mentioned but not described in J. R. Tolkien masterpiece (like the meeting with Sauron’s spirit and his subordinates, the events that lead to Thorin’s nickname, etc). A lot of the well-known adventures are developed to such an extent that at moments one feels that it’s a totally new story. But all that is so well-combined with the rest of the movie it makes it worthy of more admiration.

 

The new characters (not mentioned in the book) are so well created that they all become an essential part of all the dangerous and incredible adventures. I bet even the author would like the excellent fighter, the she-elf Tauriel (the great-looking Evangelyn Lily, a star from Lost) and her impossible love with the dwarf Kily, the dreadful white orc Azog and his incredible strength and ability to endure the constant pain of the prosthesis stuck in his cut arm, etc… Not to mention the many battle scenes that are so well-created they are almost impossible to achive in real life.

 

When all these details are combined with the 3 D motion picture, the experience in the movie salons becomes a dream come true… After all those complains about 3 D effects that tire our eyes, I would say The Hobbit would be a good reason to buy a 3 D TV set. Watching such movies at home could be accompanied with some rests from time to time and we could enjoy all the magnificence of the genre without being afraid about our eyesight so much?

 

Finally, I would like to point out that both the parts of The Hobbit’s movies are not for kids. There are too many and too vicious battle scenes and merciless killings, so I guess a lot of the younger fans would have sleep trouble after 2,30 – 2,40 hours spent at the movie salon…   

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

The Dark Path, by Luke Romyn – a breath-taking story about a modern Apocalypse, the most horrible ancient cult, the deadliest assassin and the kindest “light bearer”.

December 12, 2013

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Some people say: Bad luck often brings good luck, or: Only a thief could catch a thief, others that only light could destroy darkness… Yet, Luke Romyn’s book is certain prove about the truth in both sentences.

The modern story about the saving of a new messiah from an ancient and disgusting cult contains so many vivid descriptions of horrible killings, bloody scenes of mafia and assassins’ wars, hatred and will to destroy all the sacred and kind in life, that many readers would definetly have nightmares after turning over some of the pages. Many of them will be convinced that only the evil deeds would deal with the dreadful way of the murderers and their bosses to earn their living and satisfy their striving for power. Evil is the best tool against the horrors done by any bad characters and kings of the crime realm, they would say, pointing out that the most dreadful assasin was the one who actually saved the young messiah from his inevitable doom. Others would remember the glorious power of the good intentions, triumphing over the most powerful weapon of Satan and would claim there’s nothing that could beat the kind thoughts and wise decisions…

The breath-taking adventures of the messiah-kid and his protector, the ex-good cop and present dreadful assasin, are described by an excellent style. Usually, stories written in English have to contain short sentences, dividing those with more words to a couple of separate lines. Yet, that way the style changes and the events and thoughts described by an author become something different… Luke Romyn’s writing, however, has long enough sentences with all the necessary adjectives, verbs, descriptions, etc. to make his story more breath-taking, interesting, and even with some touch of the ancient fairy-tales, according to my opinion. His imagination is as good as his writing skills and I guess everyone would enjoy all the adventures of the main characters, trying to escape the dreadful chasers of the most evil cult and their many cunning traps.

However, The Dark Path is not just a new story about merciless killings and evil, religious fanatics’s plans. Amongst all the bloody scenes and supernatural creatures, the author included some amazing philosophy, revealing the importance to do good and what the world would look like with a real balance between all the nations. Because of the author’s way to reveal his thoughts and imagination, many, if not all, of the non-believers would reconsider their attitude towards Bible and religious teachings at the end of the book. I guess that, together with the great writing style, would make those who don’t like to read and prefer to watch movies based on books instead to become better book lovers. Besides, reading the story, everyone would discover the great experience to „see” and „feel” such details which could be hard to notice watching a movie, no matter what good special effects its creators included. The description of hell, for example, is so vivid and horribly awesome that it could send cold shivers even down the spines of the toughest readers and horror genre’s fans. For some others, it could turn out to be a mirror for their deepest and most dreadful fears… I guess a hell where the devil’s a woman could surpass the wildest fantasies or nightmares…

Despite the author’s breath-taking way to put to words the gripping adventures of his characters, some book-lovers would admit The Dark Path is naïve at some moments (though I would say that’s a part of its beauty too, aren’t we all at least a bit tired of all the “meaningful” reality?). They would probably add that the end is too sudden and incomplete (and that’s the only thing in the book I don’t like too), yet it seems it’s just the author’s way to make the “passage” to his next stories smooth enough…    

No matter how good Luke Romyn is at describing horrors and ever-lasting philosophy, his skills in humour and jokes are amazing too. His facebook page and site are full of evidences for that: https://www.facebook.com/luke.romyn?fref=ts. Though the author prefers to write dreadful mysteries like The Dark Path, I guess if more people ask him to combine his funny thoughts in a story or two (or include them in some of his other works), he would create some new, even more amazing books, with a perfect balance between fun and seriousness. Good luck in the future, my fb friend, Luke Romyn! Let the wonderful noise of the sea always sounds in your ears! (as my water dragons’ hunters would greet).  

 

 

 

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

  

 

some jokes for the weekend :)

October 26, 2013

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In Bulgaria they say you cannot carry 2 water melons under one armpit (sorry, can’t remember the English version :). Yet, as some of my characters say: If we use all the opportunities, then even the laws of nature wouldn’t be an obstacle… That’s why I guess even in the most tense times (as happened to me recently, so I could not post regularly at my blog/s) one could find a solution to fulfill his/her tasks… Hope some of these jokes/anecdotes I will re post will make anyone’s weekend better :):

via Rose Smith: The Toughest Man In The Bar.A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: “I went by your grandma’s house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!” The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: “I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!” The biker’s buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says Nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, “I’ll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!” At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes and says…

“Grandpa,……. Go home, you’re drunk.” 
 
Via Rose SmithIf electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Via Rose SmithA husband and wife are having dinner at a fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who the hell was that?”

“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.””Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce.”

“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage, and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.”

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. “Who’s that woman with Jim?” asks the wife.

“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.

“Ours is prettier,” she replies.

 
  If the morning is wiser than the evening, then an evening could be funnier, crazier, much more interesting, much more magnificent, way more awesome or glorious than any morning hour, minute moment, or second… from my future Space Hide & Seek.
 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.comhttp://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

www.allanbard.blogspot.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/allanbard/,

http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

 

jokes for the beginning of the new week and the end of weekend ;).

July 1, 2013

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Some of the bad consequences of being too busy with many different errands is that one could hardly post at his/her blog… Yet, there is always a light in the end of tunnel – to deal with every task/errnad seems not so hard at moments, if only we organize our time well :)….

Two passengers are traveling in a train and the one looks at the other from top to toe. Finally, he says:

“It seems, you look just like my wife, if I just ignore the mustache…”

“But I don’t wear a mustache?” says the other.

“Yes, you don’t… But my wife wears one…”

Via Joe O’Connell: a little boy in the drugstore with his dad, suddenly creates a fuss, he wants a chocolate Easter Bunny. finally his father gives him one but the boy has a temper storm. he wants a male Easter bunny. the druggist and the father try to tell the boy it doesn’t make any difference, with that the boy holds up his little finger, and says there’s that much more chocolate…

 

What’s the last thing to go through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield? It’s asshole.

Evolution could be a crazy thing sometimes – it could create people who could be so narrow-minded to like and love only one book, movie, idea, song… from my future Space Ghosts.

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,   

some jokes for the new week…:)

June 4, 2013
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Hope my new dose of jokes will help many people start a good week :)
Via Georgi Chase: “Why can’t you play games in the jungle?

Because there’s always gonna be a cheetah..”

 A few priests complain to one another: “I have so  many rats in my church…” says the 1st. “I tried to chase them away with poison but it didn’t work at all…”
“There are even more in my church too,” sighs the 2nd. “I tried to set them on fire but they are still there…”
“Well, I tried your methods too,” says the 3rd. “And when they didn’t work either, I just made them my parishioners… So, now they are nowhere to be seen in my church…”
And some interesting facts some guys would consider funny, but I guess the 2nd one is scary too: Via Sanjay Shukla: FACT-FILE:Only 8% of the world’s currency exists as physical cash, the rest is electronic….!FACT-FILE:The average billionaire spends $25 million a year on food and entertainment, enough to feed 70,000 hungry people for a year…..!!! 
 
The balance between good and evil in some people is destroyed to such an extent that they need to hate something or someone all the time. my future Incredible Future.

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/ivanstoikov.allanbard, http:// http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, http://www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard


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